Boosh Rabbit

Elements of Past & Future Combined Into Something Not Quite as Good as Either

Patrick Farley's Online Journal

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I have no new content, yet I must scream
Boosh Rabbit
Premises are cheap; good storytelling difficult. In the spirit of starting the year with a clean slate, I offer up my 2009 List of Story Premises to the creative commons. These are all stories I would love to see produced in some format or other, but will probably never get around to. If YOU can do something with any of them — a book (graphic or otherwise), a movie, a game, a song— by all means take the idea and run with it. And if it makes you rich, please consider buying me a meal at your favorite restaurant.

Patrick Farley's List of Story Premises 2009

Free for Creative Commons use

  • Fake TV News Channel is created, catering to Conservative demographic. Similar to Fox News except the "news stories" presented are 100% fictitious: for example, after Kansas bans the teaching of evolution, there are giant fruits and vegetables growing on the farms, and cows are growing to the size of elephants. ("This bounty is clearly God's reward to the Great State of Kansas!") Much like "Wag the Dog," the question is how far this swindle can be taken before it collapses -- or will it ever?

  • Al Qaeda terrorist infiltrates rave community for purposes of staging a massive suicide bombing during a dance party event; romantic/spiritual entanglement ensues.

  • Judgement Day: Four souls whisper their life stories to each other while waiting to be Judged.

  • War between Christian Heaven and Muslim Heaven.

  • Giant mantis-like insect becomes future pop music star. Geriatric grunge rocker attempts to kill it.

  • Rogue AI in the financial data network bestows unlimited credit on random individuals.

  • Cthulhu mythos setting: after Rlyeh has risen, human survivors struggle to survive against alien horrors and their own despair. (Much like Camus' "The Plague" only with tentacles.)

  • "Bonsai Baby;" a human embryo, genetically altered so the baby never matures past the toddler stage. They are illegal, but an elderly biotech scientist secretly creates one for himself in an unmonitored lab. The Baby escapes the lab, and the Company's property is adjacent to a community of right-wing Christian Fundamentalists. One more hedgehog: slavery is legal in this future, so the Company offers one of its indentured laborers the chance to buy his/her freedom in exchange for tracking down and returning the escaped Bonsai Baby. Bad craziness ensues.

  • Magic Plush Van transports passengers to Prog Rock Fantasy Realm.

  • Cryogenically preserved heads are unfrozen in the far future, attached to robot-crab bodies and left to scuttle around like vermin in the Glorious Cities of Tomorrow.

  • Right wing talk show host gets "turned on" and changes his world view. (Inciting incident: a teenage caller commits suicide on the air.)

  • 9-11 jumper is rescued by a mysterious entity before hitting the ground. (Time stops, much like in The Hudsucker Proxy.) He is paired with a woman from the future, who is herself the survivor of a future European holocaust against Muslims.

  • Middle aged guy travels back in time to middle school in the 1980s, salvages his disastrous first "romance."

  • Clans of Alphane Moon, except the planet is divided into fetish communities (rubberists, plushies, foot fetishists, etc.)

  • Teenage gaming nerd is transported to fantasy realm, decides the Fair Folk are fascists and sides with the Orcs. (Alternate: a modern African American youth is transported to a Tolkienesque Euro-Fantasy realm, confronts the inherent racism of the genre.)

  • Dominatrix runs for President of the U.S.A.

  • Giant carnivorous armadillos rampage across Southwest U.S.A. -- mankind pays for his irresponsible use of pesticides!!!

  • "Think Tank Troopers:" The year is 2004, and a 23-year old "graduate" of a Conservative think-tank is given an administrative post in Baghdad's Green Zone, where he intends to open a Starbucks once the country has been pacified. (Neo-Con ideology collides with grim realities on the ground. Hilarity ensues.)

  • Domestic or farm/food animals suddenly gifted with sentience.

  • Racoons build space arks and/or technology for battling humanity.

  • ISIS: superhero from the 1970s Saturday morning show, given the Alan Moore-style reboot. (Given her unique powers, she can surely do more than fly around the California suburbs dispensing advice to confused teens.)

  • H.P. Lovecraft and Philip K. Dick join forces to fight crime. HPL becomes a little less racist, PKD a little less misogynist.

  • AGAINST THE GIANTS set in the modern day. Who would be the "giants?" Who would be the "Drow?"

  • Doctor fighting cancer enters a fantasy realm where the cancer is reified as an agent of evil. (Similar formula to Thomas Covenant / leprosy metaphor, but specifically about cancer.)

  • Reincarnation: Modern American (upper middle class) is reincarnated as a deformed Third World child in a Greenhouse Disaster future world.

  • Future Earth: Several million years hence, humanity has disappeared, or humanity's descendents are small, lemurlike creatures or bison-like quadrupeds. (see Stephen Baxter's Evolution.) The dominant species on Earth are evolved from rats, octopi, and penguins (the only species which prospered after whatever disaster knocked off homo sapiens.) The rats are pre-industrial and already fighting bloody wars against themselves; the penguins are a hive mind; the octopi elusive and mysterious but just now beginning to venture onto land.

  • Take any "classic" story (Romeo & Juliet, Casablanca, Pulp Fiction) and re-stage it in a post-Greenhouse "Drowned World." The fun is in seeing how many conventional narrative tropes break down and how many new ones emerge.

  • Life in the Soup: a coming-of-age story set in a half-submerged San Francisco (or any other coastal city.)

Compiled 01 January 2010 by Patrick Sean Farley (

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.. Wasn't that on Futurama?
Possibly. The version I imagined would riff off the disturbing fact that most cryogenic enthusiasts are also Ayn Rand fanatics.

... I'm pretty sure I've read that novel twice ... by different authors.
Peggy Sue Got Married was the best treatment of this, but it's one of those stories that needs to be retold for each generation.

... Very similar (I'm not going to spoiler the original) to the highly disturbing story "In the Barn", by Piers Anthony, collected in "Again, Dangerous Visions" (back before Anthony sold out).

Wow. You mean Piers Anthony once had balls?

See also "Our Neural Chernobyl" by Bruce Sterling.
I like that story (cats with remote controls!) but in my racoon story I want blood to flow.

... "Carcinoma Angels" by Norman Spinrad.
Too flippant for the subject matter.

... This bit, at least (but not the rest) is a dead ringer for "Hothouse" by Brian Aldiss (which I strongly recommend to you)
I'm embarrassed to admit I've read almost nothing by Brian Aldiss. I'll try to correct this oversight ASAP.

... Not quite the same, but if you ever want to read the phrase "... a final solution to the Orcish problem ..." you need to read "Grunts" by Mary Gentle (which pushes many of the "Middle Earth Is Racist" buttons).
Ditto; will check it out on my next trip to the bookstore.


Wow. You mean Piers Anthony once had balls?

Yes, for late 1960s values of balls. "Macroscope" was pretty good, by the standards of the day (despite being hacked up in editing and having extremely dodgy gender politics -- hey, these were the late sixties, right?). He only really went down the shitter in the early 70s.

"Hothouse" -- you may hate it, or love it: it's one of the classics of British 60s SF (and somewhat Stapeldonian in scale).

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